Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Edit 14 Years Ago Today I Saw My Daughter for the First Time
Fourteen years ago today a fuzzy fax copy of a four month old information sheet came sailing into my office and I received the first hazy look at my daughter. In many respects the blurry copy reminded me much of an ultrasound photo, although it was hard at first to tell if it really was a blurry copy coming from Beijing or the fact that my eyes were filled with tears.
God had answered my prayer and I was overjoyed to be saying "Yes" to accepting the referral of a very tiny baby half-way around the world in a place I had never even heard of in China.
We didn't have Internet access at that time where I was working (in 1994 who did?) and a hasty trip to grab a copy of the "Lonely Planet Guide to China" only told me that the city of Zhuzhou was a very small (population of 500,000) industrial city in south central China's Hunan province, a place of "not much to see" and an hours drive from the birthplace of Chairman Mao. A poor rural area with no tourist attractions to speak of and home to a renown fiery cuisine that can singe your eyelashes off just by walking past a Hunan food vendors cart on any given day.
But none of that mattered on that day. All I wanted to do was stare endlessly at that little face and thank God for putting my feet upon the path and faithfully walking-- and sometimes pulling me-- step by step.
This morning at staff devotions, we were talking about the courage of Mary as she pondered the message from the angel Gabriel that she would bear a son- our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (Luke 2:19). The enormity of this message is unfathomable. We went on to discuss what we ponder.
Without a doubt, I often ponder the path upon which God has set my feet and the different twists and turns the path has taken. When I stop along the path or tentatively look about for help, it is then that God's love comes bursting through and I grasp His hand a little tighter, trusting that in a few weeks, months or even years I will be able to look back with an astounding realization of why I walked where I did in order to get where God wants me to go.
What startles me most are the detours that made no sense to me at a specific point in time but upon which I can look back at now and see how things connect and continue to help me grow through God's grace at each and every turn.
There are prayers that I am now very thankful that God didn't answer, or answer the way I wanted (or demanded) to be answered. For standing at this height and this distance I can now understand that God's timing and path for me is perfect. It's not always smooth; it's not always easy; and it's not always very pretty, but it has a purpose.
Fourteen years from the date that I first saw my daughter's face, I can say that I am thankful, that God is a great and merciful God and I look forward to many times of great pondering- big and small, important and not so much for without God's grace and mercy it wouldn't mean much at all.
God had answered my prayer and I was overjoyed to be saying "Yes" to accepting the referral of a very tiny baby half-way around the world in a place I had never even heard of in China.
We didn't have Internet access at that time where I was working (in 1994 who did?) and a hasty trip to grab a copy of the "Lonely Planet Guide to China" only told me that the city of Zhuzhou was a very small (population of 500,000) industrial city in south central China's Hunan province, a place of "not much to see" and an hours drive from the birthplace of Chairman Mao. A poor rural area with no tourist attractions to speak of and home to a renown fiery cuisine that can singe your eyelashes off just by walking past a Hunan food vendors cart on any given day.
But none of that mattered on that day. All I wanted to do was stare endlessly at that little face and thank God for putting my feet upon the path and faithfully walking-- and sometimes pulling me-- step by step.
This morning at staff devotions, we were talking about the courage of Mary as she pondered the message from the angel Gabriel that she would bear a son- our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (Luke 2:19). The enormity of this message is unfathomable. We went on to discuss what we ponder.
Without a doubt, I often ponder the path upon which God has set my feet and the different twists and turns the path has taken. When I stop along the path or tentatively look about for help, it is then that God's love comes bursting through and I grasp His hand a little tighter, trusting that in a few weeks, months or even years I will be able to look back with an astounding realization of why I walked where I did in order to get where God wants me to go.
What startles me most are the detours that made no sense to me at a specific point in time but upon which I can look back at now and see how things connect and continue to help me grow through God's grace at each and every turn.
There are prayers that I am now very thankful that God didn't answer, or answer the way I wanted (or demanded) to be answered. For standing at this height and this distance I can now understand that God's timing and path for me is perfect. It's not always smooth; it's not always easy; and it's not always very pretty, but it has a purpose.
Fourteen years from the date that I first saw my daughter's face, I can say that I am thankful, that God is a great and merciful God and I look forward to many times of great pondering- big and small, important and not so much for without God's grace and mercy it wouldn't mean much at all.
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